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Post by Paul @ Oz Tabs on Aug 11, 2005 15:48:22 GMT 9
got a good joke to share... post it in this thread.
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A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock in the morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three 'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
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Post by luvaccoustic on Aug 11, 2005 15:59:21 GMT 9
Bill and Bob were walking through the bush when they came across three grenades lying on the ground. Bill suggested they take them to the police station.
"Wait a minute" said Bob "What if one of the bastards explodes before we get there?"
"Don't worry about it," laughed Bill
"We'll just lie and tell 'em we only found two."
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nicthewilly
Strummer
Blow The Hoodoo Out'a Him!
Posts: 18
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Post by nicthewilly on Dec 20, 2006 20:40:30 GMT 9
A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch"
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nicthewilly
Strummer
Blow The Hoodoo Out'a Him!
Posts: 18
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Post by nicthewilly on Jan 10, 2007 15:44:44 GMT 9
An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, "You Australian folk eat the whole bread?"
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."
The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia." The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence. The American persisted. "D'ya eat jam with the bread?" Sighing, the Australian replied, "Of course." Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, "We don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia."
The Australian then asked, "Do you have sex in the States?" The American smiled and said, "Why of course we do." The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" "We throw them away, of course." "We don't. In Australia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?"
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Biff
Lead Freak
...a Guitar in it's case...never gets played....
Posts: 110
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Post by Biff on Jan 17, 2007 9:52:20 GMT 9
Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the England cricket team.
However the committee at Lords have refused, saying
"we can't have Virgin written on our shirts when we're getting f*****d in every match!"
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Post by Paul @ Oz Tabs on Jan 18, 2007 15:49:23 GMT 9
i like that one
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Dogil
Lead Freak
I reject your reality and substitute my own!!!
Posts: 194
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Post by Dogil on Feb 3, 2007 11:13:15 GMT 9
Bartender notices a professional looking guy (suit, tie etc) at the bar, head in hands, sighing, so he walks up and says, "Mate, I'm a pro at this and I can see you're troubled. Talk to me, it might make you feel better?"
Guy just tosses down his shooter and says "Mate, I've broken every moral, ethical and legal rule in the book - I've established an intimate relationship with a patient!"
Bartender says "Mate, don't sweat it. You are the first and you certainly won't be the last - just chill out a little."
Guy says, "No mate, you don't understand.........I'm a vet!"
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